I’m sitting here at my kitchen table with my laptop. A cup of tea beside me. I lay my hand on my stomach. It’s beginning to show.
If you didn’t know it you may think I was… well… fat. Or recently gained a few pounds, but I can tell. I know what it is.
At this moment the child in my womb isn’t the only thing growing inside me. No, there’s something else.
I’m picturing the life that I had pictured for myself shortly after I got married unfolding in front of me. I told my husband over and over again. “I want to work from home. I want to be able to be at home with our kids, but be able to bring in an income”.
At the time I had no idea how I would make that work. I wanted to do something that I loved, but I had no clue how.
I wanted to write, but how would I make make money from writing? I knew it was very possible. To be more specific I didn’t know how to make money from the things that I wanted to write about.
Funny, at that point in my life I hardly made the time to write. Sometimes I still don’t make the time to write. Recently though, things have taken a turn. I stepped out of my comfort zone.
We’re living paycheck to paycheck at this point. We are buying a house, which means our bills will be going up a substantial amount. Our baby will be here in just 6 months.
I have 6 months to figure this out, and for once I see a clear plan. I see opportunities. I’m going to make this work, and it makes me so excited.
Excitement, that is what’s growing inside of me.
I can see myself with a laptop on my lap and my child playing on the rug at my feet. I see myself being able to be there for his or her first tooth, or first step.
I can see it all. I won’t need to miss any of it. Which is why I am following my dream to be a work from home mom.
It didn’t take me long to realize that working a public job just down right sucked. I have worked several different jobs. Jobs that all gave me anxiety and literally sucked the life out of me. I worked my butt off and hardly made anything.
I don’t have a college education, so I haven’t had a lot of opportunities. I came from a conservative christian home where I was taught that women should be “keepers of the home”. In other words, I wasn’t allowed to get a job until I begged for it at 22.
I started out doing in home care for the elderly. I didn’t get paid much and the hours weren’t great. From there I became a SRNA. (State Registered Nurse Aide). I worked at a health food store and then as a waitress. There were things I loved and things I hated about each of them.
Through each season of my life, I have dreamed of being a writer. I always hung back though. I listened to the lies that told me I wasn’t good enough. I didn’t know how to start. I would mess up and it would be embarrassing.
And yet, the desire never went away. It continued to resurface. I prayed and prayed that God would show me what to do with it. He continued to whisper in my ear that this is what He had for me, but I was afraid.
I was afraid until things at my last job got so bad that I had no choice to walk out. I felt so guilty for ending it that way. I felt that I had failed, even though I knew that I wasn’t my fault.
The first week I struggled with negative feelings. I didn’t know what I was going to do. My husbands income was enough for us to live on, but didn’t allow for us to save for our future. I felt like I was letting my husband down.
I immediately started a blog not knowing how or what I would do with it. I just knew I had to do something. I LOVED working on this blog. It made me so happy to be able to get up in the morning and set my own pace.
Towards the end of the first week I felt so happy. I asked myself “Why?”. “What was making me so happy?”. As I flipped my bible open to read that morning, my eyes fell on this verse.
“Stand fast therefore in the liberty by which Christ has made us free, and do not be entangled again with a yoke of bondage”. Galatians 5:1
That verse hit me so hard, I immediately started crying. I knew exactly what it meant. I was so humbled and so shocked that God would once again speak so clearly to me. That He would once again give me such clear direction after I had doubted Him so many times.
After a couple of days it began to sink in that this was it. I wasn’t going to be getting a job from here on out. If I was going to bring in an income, it was going to have to be from home.
Was I sure how I was going to do that? I had no idea!
At first I didn’t even know where to start. I couldn’t even see how or what could make an income. But I was being forced to try.
It’s taken several months of brainstorming and trying different things, but little by little a plan has formed. I’m getting experience here and there and meeting new people through online groups all the time.
When God calls us to something new, it doesn’t mean that He is going to roll out a red carpet for us. We may have to try and fail and then try and fail again before we finally start to pick up some momentum.
He uses every opportunity to grow and teach us, and He sure has used this to teach me to trust in Him. I had so much anxiety in the beginning. I was constantly turning my worry over to Him.
I know that going back to my old life, my easier life that was comfortable and predictable, would just make me miserable. I know it would suck the joy out of my life. Even though I have yet to make a penny at what I’m doing right now, I know that this is where He has me.
I may feel that I’m blindly groping around looking for what it is that I am going to succeed at, but that doesn’t deter me from keeping at it.
Is there an area of your life that God is calling you to take a leap of faith in?